People live their lives in fear. Fear of failure, fear of uncertainty, fear of change, and even fear of dying. However, I do not fear of any of those things. For me, the only thing I fear is being ordinary. I know that I was put on this earth to be extraordinary. I also know that I am not destined to live a stereotypical life.
Most people want to graduate high school, go to college, meet their significant other, graduate college, get married, start a family, and achieve pure happiness. I cannot say I’ve wanted the same things.
For example, I’ve never wanted to get married or start a family. A lot of people do not understand why I feel this way, and I understand why, but that doesn’t really matter to me. This isn’t to say I have any problem with people who desire for a family, I just know that it is not meant for me. I’ve always believed I am meant for something else. I want to be a world-famous scientist who travels and helps others. I want to be the doctor that discovers the cure for cancer and, with my determination, I know wholeheartedly that I can do just that.
Another thing I don’t share is the belief that everything happens for a reason. I believe we create our own destiny. There is no destined path, no personal legend. There is only the path that we choose to forge. I chose to make a change in my path when I came to Shattuck in the fall of 2015. Of course, there have been a few bumps in the road. The summer before arriving, I tore my posterior cruciate ligament in my left knee. I played the first couple months of the season while recovering. But this did not set me back like I thought it would. As I continued to work and push my way through, I fought, with my team, to my first national championship. That’s when I knew my decision to come here was one I will forever be grateful for.
Aside from my knee, earlier this year I hit another roadblock. I think this is the ideal moment to tell everyone about something that needs to be talked about more. About four months ago, I began to see myself differently than I used to. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, knowing my body was not like many others around me. So I began to throw up, not because of an illness, but because I forced myself to. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but then I began to throw up everyday after lunch, sometimes after dinner, and even sometimes before going to bed. I was at rock bottom, and didn’t see myself ever climbing over that roadblock.
But with my incredible support system, I was able to find a way to make it over. To my closest friends, thank you for not making me feel embarrassed or as if something was wrong with me. You helped me when I needed it most, and you all know who you are, I love you guys.
Today I can honestly say I am ok. I guess what I want everyone to get out of this is that eating disorders, or any mental health issues for that matter, are more common than you might perceive. I’m sure many of you never thought someone like me could be going through this, my toughest battle. Even the strongest people you know may be going through hard times.
So don’t be afraid to check up on anyone around you, because you just might help someone out of harming themselves, or even save a life. Don’t be afraid to talk about the sensitive subjects and spread awareness in the world. There are many different paths and journeys in life, and you can laugh at me, cry for me, or even pity me, but I do know one thing: my expedition isn’t over yet. And this isn’t the last time you’ll hear the name Kenzie Hauswirth.